Thursday, August 04, 2005

Letter to God

Note: I intented to continue with the story self made or ready made. But i thought that i am going so far away from what i intended to say and was concentrating more on characters. I thought of restraining myself from personal posts and generalizing my ideas. but that hardly suits my nature. Being straight and hitting the nail is the easiest thing one can do. (hey, see how well u can make up your weakness by telling it differently. to be frank, fiction is not my piece of cake i believe.)

Still i cannot leave a story half finished. When i was browsing a website,it spoke about a contest in which one had to write a letter to God. Ultimately, i was about to tell my own feelings about God through rohith in Selfmade or ready made. so i thought i should be direct. here is a letter which Rohith writes to God. In a confused state, whether to know that his life is like a ready made dress in which he could not do anything, or is like a dress material which he is free to stitch it to his wish, only his physique being the constraint, Rohith writes this letter to God.

Dear God,

Though I address U, hardly I believe in your existence. I was brought up as a pious boy, habited to say my daily prayers, with frequent visit to your temple. Till a few years back, if somebody was questioning Your existence, I mocked at them and ignored them. But now, I feel that they may be right.

When I was 20 years old, I read a book about a great sadhu, who personally believed that idol worship was not necessary. I have noticed every other sadhu, said that idol worship was primitive stage of bhakthi. Having read all those stuff, I started disbelieving in religious routines and concentrated my bhakthi on one single form. That was you, Lord Shiva. For a few years, I found that I was right in my form of bhakthi. Instead of giving offerings to You, I found it right to give up a bad habit of mine. Instead of showering You with milk and honey, I found it right to feed a hungry stomach.

I developed a sense of pride in my own form of Bhakthi, that I imagined you to be closer to me. So closer, that even the pettiest of my issues were consulted with You. Or probably I mistook my intuition as Your guidance. Whatever it may be, it worked well for few years. But now, I feel that the link is broken.

When I read books on mind power, I felt that there is no concept as God, as everything is so naturally explained and it is all the power of mind that drove me till then. Still, my orthodox brain did not want to accept all those stuff and continued to believe in You.

When the good old advice of our famous astrologers were thrust on me which meant a daily visit to God of my non interest or lighting akal vilakku in different swami sannidhis, I ignored them completely, thinking that only the form which I loved can help me. Till now, I do not feel the guilt.

But slowly, I found that the bond between You and me was loosening. My intuition failed many a times. I felt that I was guided wrongly. I blamed You. Then I found an equal chance to blame me. When I can blame me for a wrong decision, that means I have a greater control over my life. Instead of believing in You, instead of referring to You for all my problems, I found it right to consult myself and decide. And to a great extent, till now, it has been working well.

But still, this question haunts me. When others can find solace in going to temples and chanting the mantras, why I do not get peace?

To read all those philosophical books which are in a completely alien language and to get clarity is not a thing within my reach.

Is there not a simple answer for this question? Who are You? What do You do in my life? Can I ignore You? I tried to do that also. But as a weak human, when I found that things were out of my control, and badly needed someone’s help, I fell on Your feet. While falling so, I blamed myself for being selfish. I shied from opening my mouth to ask for favours. Rather, I had no faith that my prayers would be answered. Hence I feel no relief when I fall on Your feet.

Leave alone granting favours to me. I want to establish that old bondage which I had with You. I try my best to believe that You exist. But my Lord, something prevents me from that. Say a small disappointment which I face. The moment I feel that I should be a faithful devotee, I start expecting something from You. I try to blame You for all my miseries, though all happiness are accepted cheerfully with a small thanks giving prayer to You.

Now that I got a chance to visit your temple, I am dropping this letter in Your Hundi, hoping that these queries of mine will reach You. You may prefer to remain silent thinking that I am not a good devotee of Yours. But remember, I have always been a good citizen, a good employee, a good boss, a good son, a good husband and a good father. After all, that is what You expect from Your devotee. Hence I have every right to demand an answer. Before my heart shatters, my Lord, please answer me.

With Love,

Rohith.

13 Comments:

Blogger Golden Face said...

Hi Vasu,
As usual your blog is very impressive. I know most of ur blogs reflect constant quest of humans about God.

I like to put forth some of my opinions about God.

To me “Aham Devasmy”. Our mind is our god. It does all the functions of the god – creative, protective and destructive. Even saints closed their eyes and searched inside them… in to their mind. I always feel that life should be in search of the one that accomplish our goals and each such goal with good purpose and intent is god.
God and goal is pervasive and ever existing though it’s form may differ with each individual.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005 6:47:00 PM  
Blogger fieryblaster said...

Aham devasmy. sounds good. don't u love to go to singaperumal temple? why don't u worship ur mind then? to give solace, u need to believe in an extra human power. searching inside and finding an answer is too much for an ordinary human being

Wednesday, August 03, 2005 7:03:00 PM  
Blogger Anand Ramamoorthy said...

Fiery blaster

pretty impressive writing there.good post.

let me again clarify a couple of things to Rohith and Mr.Golden face.

the absolute does not expect things from people the way we expect things from others. the absolute as envisioned in a form is not meant for a primitive level of worship. in fact just as there is a secret in Shiva's dance of destruction as Pralayakaalaagni rudra, there is a secret in the phanibhoga sayanam of sriVishnu.
next the only thing that the absolute might "expect" of any human being would be the attainment of what is termed svarupajnana- true self-knowledge.
one can be a good citizen and all other things but without true knowledge of the self there is no escape from samsara unless you have performed some other yoga or prapatti. for a "good person who does not need spiritual knowledge" samsara is there to stay.

now mr. GoldenFace
I do not whether you'll take this iin the right sense but here is a translated verse from the Gita
" the senses are superior they say to the sense objects
the mind indeed is superior to the senses and the self is verily superior to the mind. the mind is something under the control of the trigunas of Maya. by worshipping your mind you'll probabaly get some fringe benefits but no eternal and transcendental states can be attained by using the mind.

SARVAM SRI KRISHNAARPANAMASTHU!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005 7:33:00 PM  
Blogger Golden Face said...

Hi Mr. Anand Ramamoorthy,

My contention is not worshipping the mind but living life fully with balanced head and mind. Proving myself in my profession and living for the welfare of my family are the two main goals in my life and I am working at it. I feel being a smart worker in my job and being sincere and dedicated to my family will help me to accomplish my life goals and that’s what is ultimately expected out of each of us in Veda and Geetha, and that is meant otherwise as “eternal and transcendental states”.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger Anand Ramamoorthy said...

with your permission fieryblaster,

MR.Golden Face

I think you have got something wrong here. I am not against your idea of being sincere and responsible and all that. I have not been very clear in my previous comment.my mistake, let me clear it up. I have sufficient reason to believe(if you want to know further you have to read my post on this), that the phenomenal universe functions according to Maya\Prakriti. The transcendental state I was referring to is a state achieved by someone who finds the influence of Maya and comes out of it. once you have reached that state you will not speak OF MY DUTIES, MY SINCERITY AND MY FAMILY!
You cannot appreciate this argument if you are extremely happy with life- that is the power of Maya. I am not asking you to head for the hills. I shall do no such thing. please discharge your duties without the slightest touch of association or sense of agency. you'll probably come around to my point of view. I do not renege on duties either.. btw a duty loses its greatness if the person dicharging it takes even the slightest pride in it. you may be sincere and even close to perfect, but it is my humble opinion that this should never be a hindrance to your development in the spiritual plane.

the vedas declare
satyam vada, dharmam chara
speak the truth and tread the path of order and righteousness.
now to understand this in human terms is not enough as Dharma implies the law that sustains the cosmos and not our sense of right and wrong.
as for the Gita, Krishna who has spoken of Karmayoga intended it to lead to jnana and not the sense that I have done my best. True Jnana is self-knowledge and I am sorry that I have to disagree with your notion of perfection however respectable it may be.
SARVAM SRIKRISHNAARPANAMASTHU!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005 10:58:00 PM  
Blogger fieryblaster said...

@ anand: u r right. a good natured non spiritual person may will not get moksha.

Thursday, August 04, 2005 12:16:00 AM  
Blogger Anand Ramamoorthy said...

fieryblaster,

thanks. I get tired when people argue that it is enough to be good. Swami Vivekananda says that Goodness must be cultivated to remove all negative tendencies and then given up. for this he says :
even if you are bound by a golden chain the fact remains that you are bound. true freedom is freedom from the pairs of opposites.
Sarvam SriKrishnaarpanamasthu!

Friday, August 05, 2005 7:00:00 PM  
Blogger Tantalising Tycoon said...

Vasu,

I am not commenting on this one..
Little heavy for a kind of person i am.. Anyhow i have sent you a mail for the same..

Regards,
The Tycooooonnn...

Friday, August 05, 2005 10:46:00 PM  
Blogger fieryblaster said...

@ anand: freedom. has different meaning for different people. my thoughts on it are enough to write a big blog but those are not philosophical as u may perceive. freedom from pairs of opposite? i have not given a deep thought abt it. if i think abt it, definitely i will write a blog.

@pramodh: thanks pramodh. i need not tell u to check ur mail. :)

Saturday, August 06, 2005 2:38:00 AM  
Blogger Anand Ramamoorthy said...

hey fieryblaster
no part three four to your story yet?

SARVAM SRIKRISHNAARPANAMASTHU!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005 12:00:00 AM  
Blogger fieryblaster said...

no more parts of the same old story. ultimately i conveyed what i wanted to. now thinking abt something else to write.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005 6:43:00 PM  
Blogger yengeenadhukavidhai said...

Golden face, anand ..
i'm sure this is one of the older posts and there is a vague chance of either of you looking at this comment, nevertheless would not be right on my part to have read so far and not write this..

I think the basic underlying fact is that "walk the walk, do the do" but orient it in a different way.

goldenface takes pride for the way he/she maintains one's life. Anand quotes that once you start taking pride, one is into the vicious loop of expecting things. vasu's story is also in the same lines - taking pride or trying to find a meaning of why you are doing something..

anand would state it more better, but in my words - "u equal that of the umpteen millions of humanoids in the matrix movie dudes!! ".. thats my anger venting out coz I'm in lines with vasu and goldenface and would respectfully disagree with anand..


As for the one point that vasu stated in her story (which I was unable to see face-to-face for a long time) is that what happens when u fall down? when u fail? As it has happened earlier, I would just turn a blind eye or would be the wolf that said "those grapes are sour".. however when it comes to serious issues I'm still lost...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger fieryblaster said...

@yengeenadhukavidhai: hi, i do not get ur point.

Saturday, December 17, 2005 10:38:00 PM  

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