Thursday, April 28, 2005

New Search - I

That was a usual night stroll in my terrace. I was walking blissfully, enjoying the wonderful moon and clear sky. Terrace as such was carrying a darker shade, as the lights needed a revamp. I just took a long stretch and reached one darker corner. Suddenly felt someone was following me. I gave a panicked turn only to find emptiness around. I felt terribly humiliated and felt sheepish for being coward.

My first stretch to dark corner was unintentional. But this time I decided to go there wontedly so to do away with my silly thoughts. Exactly when I reached that dark corner, I strongly felt someone behind me, and bringing all courage, I turned back. No, I saw nothing. This time, I was trembling. But, ya, I was hearing something. Just cornered the fear for a while and was trying to concentrate. I could now see one woman standing near me. Before I could gather guts to open my mouth, she started speaking.

“Wondering who I am? Got bored living with you for such long years. Still confused? Have not you seen tamil movies? I am your conscience. For you to recognize me I have come in white and white kurta and still you are giving a wild look. Never thought you can be so dumb.”

That piece of info was enough for me to recover. Gave a relieved sign and made sure that she did not notice that I was terribly frightened. I could not tolerate someone yelling at me. Wanted to put her down and said, “Calling me a dumb? In my whole history, not even once I felt your need. Wonder what you have been doing the whole years. Now that you have come out, want me to feed you daily?” For sure I expected her to give a bash, for I could not think her to be much different from me. After all, she is my inner self.

But I was wrong. She was extremely matured and charming. She saw me apologetically, as if feeling guilty for her harsh way of starting a conversation. That look soothed me and I just cooled down. I positioned myself comfortably and was looking at her, trying to read her intentions. A brilliant she, hmm, can I call her Anamica? Ya, a brilliant Anamica, read my mind and said, “See my girl, every individual should look back her life and refine her at some point. It has been a high time now, since you have lived a bit more than quarter century and I don’t see you getting matured. Thought I will stay with you for sometime and mend you. How about this idea of mine?”

I was yearning for a mentor since a long time, and was determined to utilize this opportunity. Before giving a nod, I was worrying about my privacy. She mocked at me and said, “You silly girl, I have been with you all these years in every single moment of your life and you are worrying about your privacy? Forget it. You will be comfortable.”

My first opinion about her was already the best and I came close to give a sure yes. She convinced me and the deal was a day with me. A day is not an unbearable time to spend with a stranger even, and she being my conscience, will not make the day worse, I thought.

By this time, my mother called me down. I just said goodnight to her, promising to entertain her the next day and went inside excitedly.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


Usually when i read ur blog, i first get impressed abt ur language and then the flow. My hands off to u for it.

I know i have too little knowledge to appreciate ur blogs, so let me tell my expectations. i hope this will be a blog that travels inside ur mind and tells abt the way u have or trying to take up ur life along with "anamika".
But for sure take it from me that i will tell my opinion for all the episodes of this topic.

with more expectations,

Wednesday, April 27, 2005 7:16:00 PM  

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